crazybobbles

My tickets, not for sale though

“Tickets, buy sell or trade” “Any spare tickets?”, I’m sure most of you have heard those lines muttered by some filthy looking touter when attending a gig. They come in packs and occasionally work in teams (picture them hi fiving each other after a successful sale, it makes the imagery more sweet). Most of the time you simply ignore them like a drunk girl in a party but when you’re at the venue with no ticket in your hand, suddenly they become a vital portal to gigdomhood.

Sometimes they do humour me (and usually are a point of conversation to people you’re queueing up with) and last night was no exception.

Below are some points that touts should really learn before they enter the world of blackmail and treachery.

Rule number 1: Know the name of the band

No use selling tickets to a band you don’t know the name of, it was pretty hilerious seeing a tout come up to a fan and asking who’s playing tonight. One thing that struck me as weird was how the hell do you NOT know the band name when the ticket has the headline act printed in huge black letters! Obviously the touts didn’t graduate in business school but COME ON!

Rule number 2: Know if the band is popular or not

Not really a rule, but just a segway to my next random encounter, not many people were interested in buying tickets to see CSS, it was quite funny I might say, despite the band selling out in the venue and all. Anyway, whilst waiting in the wrong queue (oh silly me) I saw one very frustrated touter go “fucking local band” after not being able to push these tickets to desperate fans. Oh how i laughed, I can imagine and somewhat appreciate the exciting(?) life of a ticket touter, it’s kinda like stock exchange if you think about it, buy low, sell high. But as simple as the formula may be there’s obviously external factors and impediments that occur which make it quite a risky business (otherwise we’d all be touts). You just need to factor in times when people don’t buy tickets. This is why you need to research the band a bit more, find out whether or not they’re in high demand before selling them.

Rule number 3: Always give them the lowest/highest price

I’m not a fan of touts but I’m sure this is what they follow in order to make a profit, you approach a tout, nervous and worried they’d con you, you ask a price for a ticket and they go “£70″. You’re immediately stunned by the amount as you’re stuck with two options, pay up or leave. Nice and simple. What touts know best is that they assume if you find it too much they become very open to negotiation, its all pretty common knowledge, that’s how you haggle, put a big price up and haggle down, this obviously applies for people selling tickets, they typically try and buy your ticket for £5-20, about a quarter of how much you originally paid for it. This is once again a flexible area of negotiation, but most folks aren’t haggling kings so they tend to surrender to their demands and bam, an instant extortion made right in front of your eyes.

Now i condone touters and touting and never using them as a ticket vending facility (except ebay and with face value prices), but obviously people still fall victim to them, so here’s one tip for you…. JUST SAY NO AND WALK AWAY. I’ll guarantee you they’ll start nagging you some more since their price was their optimal price. Never try and haggle, just simply say nah and act as blasé as possible. All basic stuff I know but it’s worth noting.

I’ll leave it at 3 points for now, I can write an essay about touts but I’m not feeling the magic tonight (if such magic of writing about touts exist)

“Fucking local band”

Touter #234 (assuming touters don’t have names)

No idea why I’m talking so much about touts, it was interesting I guess, so many questions arise when I think of them, such as Do they check the band out after selling tickets to desperate fans for extortionate prices, Do they wear knuckleless gloves on purpose? or Would you trust a tout if he was dressed up like the guy from monopoly?.

Anyway, here’s a lovely poll for you to fill in.

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